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March 13, 2013
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CREATION MYTHS – PART II

Creation Myths Part 2

——–Egyptian, Celtic, Aborigine, and Chinese: Tales of Creation————

Creation Myth

———-Click for Part One! (Genesis, Babylonian, Mayan, Indian, etc)

The Egyptian Creation Myth: Pharaoh Family Feud – Deity Edition

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osirisraAccording to the Ancient Egyptians, (or at least the hieroglyphs that we might have mistranslated) from ‘the Pyramid texts’: Amun (the air) was the supreme invisible creator who had no mother or father, nor was he adopted by a fairly odd pair of god-parents for that matter, and is said to have been born in secret (explain that one). The world began in primordial water (Nu), and from this murky sea emerged a mound. And on this mound ‘Khnum’ (aka Atum) came into existence by merely uttering his own name (that’s just how gods roll).

“Heaven and earth did not exist. And the things of the earth did not yet exist. I raised them out of Nu, from their stagnant state. I have made things out of that which I have already made, and they came from my mouth.” 

Atum quickly set about creating Man on his custom-made potter’s wheel. I can only assume he later created Woman too. I guess being the only God in the universe can kinda suck, so Atum made love with his own shadow somehow and managed to procreate…with himself… this led to Atum’s bisexual moniker ‘The Great He-She’. One of the first gods to emerge from the primordial chaos was Ra!

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It was Re, or Ra (the Sun God, sometimes referred to as Aten or Khepri in different animistic forms) whom established the Foundation of Maat: Law, order, and stability.

Truth Justice, and the Egyptian way!

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Isis giving Osiris a back massage...?

Isis giving Osiris a back massage…?

According to the Osiris Myth, as told by Plutarch n about 100 CE, Ra was the one who emerged to disperse the darkness of Nu. Ra then created Shu (Air), Geb (Earth), and Nut (Sky). Then (because they were obviously bored) they created Osiris, Isis, Seth, and Nephthys.

Osiris was said to be the first Pharaoh, charged with guiding and protecting man. One day Osiris was murdered by the jealous Seth (the lunar god) who nailed him in a coffin and threw it into the Nile chained to a few bowling balls. When Isis heard of her lover’s demise, instead of grieving she set out on a quest to find him.

isis-w-wingsWith her wings stretched out, Isis soared across the world in search of Osiris’s remains, till she found her dearly departed hubby’s coffin lodged in a dune near Byblos. Regardless of the fact that Osiris was deceased, Isis um… copulated with him, and later gave birth to a son, Horus.

Osiris went on to rule the Netherworld to judge souls for a living, while they’re son, Horus, grew up in secret until one day he could challenge Seth and take the thrown back, a la Lion King. As it turns out, the eagle-faced Horus was not Osiris’s only son. Seth’s wife, Nephthys, got Osiris drunk this one time, dressed as Isis, and well … the jackal-headed Anubis was born.

Eventually Horus returned to the Kingdom to challenge his uncle, Seth / Set. Horus and Seth were locked in combat for some 80 odd years. This never-ending, episodic battle included crazy twists, and cliff-hangers to boot. Isis attempts to aide Horus by harpooning Set, but instead manages to impale her own son!

Horus and Set eventually decided to settle things like men… er gods, and competed in several contests to prove which was superior: everything from hippo-wrestling to boat-racing. This ‘Contending’ episodes go on for about 80 seasons… Now this is where things really start to get weird: Seth decides to throw Horus the curve ball of all curve balls, and …. um…. sexually abuses Horus?!

Apparently during this homoerotic date rape encounter Horus uses his lightning fast reflexes to catch Set’s sperm in his hands (“Ah hah!” But no seriously WTF?). To get back at Set, Horus devices an intricate prank in which he jerks off into his salad. (I’m not making this shit up!) In enraged retaliation Set tears out one of Horus’s eyes, and steals one of his testicles. (Jerry Springer would have a field day with this family.) Turns out that Horus was so potent that just by consuming Horus’s cum, Set became prego. (don’t ask)

Set kicking Horus's ass... presumably

Set kicking Horus’s ass… presumably for knocking him up?

Eventually Horus manages to overthrow Set’s evil reign and restore order to the fertile lands of Egypt, well at least until the Romans came knocking… (Click Here for more on Egyptian History)

–The Aborigine Tale of Creation (Australia)

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The Native Australians believe in several gods and goddesses. Among these, the greatest of all celestial beings was Wandjina. Wandjina is responsible for making the Earth along with its delicate ecosystem, including but not limited to plants, and animals, as well as the weather, and astrological phenomenon. Wandjina’s second-in-command, Baiame, was put in charge of maintaining this world that Wandjina was so proud of creating. So, because Baiame was lazy, he created a work force to take care of the Earth and its inhabitants: humans. The humans were charged by Baiame with one simple commandment: Eat thy Veggies!?

Because: Popeye said so.

Because: Popeye said so.

Baiame essentially told the human race to be vegan, because the animals were their friends, not for eating. One day a drought seized the planet, and man’s primal, carnivorous, cravings kicked into high gear. Tofu and Soy-burgers no longer cut it. At that very moment a kangaroo hopped on by. A few hours later, the tribe was roasting Marsupial steak in the Outback. The Aborigines believe that our meat-eating tendencies brought corruption, and death into the world.

CelticPriestessMoral of the story? Don’t think with your stomach.

–The Celtic / Druid Creation Myth?

What was the Creation Myth of the Celtic or Druid pagans you ask? One does not exist.

celtictriquetraknotIf there ever was a Celtic or Druidic Creation Tale it has since been lost to time, all thanks to the conquest of Christianity throughout Europe. What is known is that the Druids and Celts believed in an eternal world, a patchwork of lives on an endless tapestry.

A Scottish song known as the ‘Oran Mor’ is probably the closest thing we’ll ever get: Quiet— Eternal Quiet. Not even the sound of the restless, stirring, dark waters could be heard. Then, a great spiraling strain of Melody moved across the endless waters. Subdued at first, then quickly gathering momentum until it reached a great crescendo. -And, then, there was Life! –But the Melody did not stop. It continued its song, filling all of Creation with its divine harmony. And so it continues today, for all those who listen…

Chinese Creation Myth(s) : Five Emperors, Three Sovereigns, and One Giant…

nuwa2Like many other cultures, the Chinese also believed in a creation tale shrouded in mystery. The ancient Chinese admitted that they had no clue as to how exactly the Earth came into existence seeing as people hadn’t been created yet, however that didn’t stop them from hypothesizing. imagesThere are a few different ‘theories’ on how mankind first came to be.

I will do my best to convey them.

Way (waaaaaay) back in the day, heaven and earth were all mixed together inside of a colossal  egg. At the center of this enormous egg was a dude named Pan-Gu. Pan-Gu was a giant with a never-ending growth spurt. On his eighteen-thousandth birthday Pan-Gu busted out of his shell with his mighty axe that he happened to have lying around, inside said gigantic egg. When he did so, Pan-Gu unleashed the opposing elements of land and air, light and dark, good and evil: Yin and Yang! Heaven rose up, Earth sank down, and eventually Pan-Gu died, becoming one with the wind between the two realms.

Pan Gu creates the world

That moment when you stretch so high… you lift up the sky?!

The Square Earth was below the Round Sky which was held up by four pillar-like mountains of jade. Beyond the far four corners of the world were the unknown expanses of land and sea where the domain of dragons, barbarians, and demons lay. This world existed in a time before humans when gods and dragons roamed the shifting earth, turbulent seas, and numinous heavens. It was during these times when the Three Sovereigns came to be, in the paradise of immortals. A smoking hot goddess, Hua-Xu, whom bathed in the waters of Thunder Lake was mysteriously impregnated by a beaked giant. Hua-Xu gave birth to Fu-Xi, a bearded snake-man with the teeth of a turtle and lips of a dragon?! Fu-Xi’s sister, Nu-wa was also serpent like, but with the random super power of being able to shape-shift exactly Seventy times a day. There was also Shen-nong, born of a goddess and dragon who somehow had the features of an man-ox.

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Fu-Xi, Nu-Wa, and Shen-nong were the Three Sovereigns, the gods responsible for the Human race, their reign lasted 120 years. The story goes that Nu-wa was bored one day so she took a bit of yellow clay from a pond and shaped it into a brand new humanoid creation. She made several replicas, and eventually ran out of clay so substituted mud for the cheaply made multitudes that followed (The clay originals were said to be the first nobility).

Fu-Xi, the wise and magical, was watching a fiery Pheonix (according to Chinese mythology: part Peacock, part Rooster, and part Pheasant) set a forest a blaze when he suddenly had an epiphany. Fu-Xi taught mankind how to utilize wood and the power of fire. He trained them to hunt, fish, and the art of calligraphy. Then Shen-nong, the fugly horned god, brought the miracles of medicine, agriculture, arithmetic, and the concept of trade to the humans. Shen-nong would (literally) whip nature into shape for the benefit of mankind. He eventually died of poisoning while experimenting with ‘medicinal’ concoctions.

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Gong-Gong, a water demon rose up to rebel against the Sovereigns of Earth and shattered the sky (simultaneously creating night and rain), unleashing floods and weather upon the helpless humans. Nu-wa and her brother, Fu-Xi, did their best to repair the damage done, while Gong-Gong was defeated by Yan-Di, the God of Fire.

The ancient Chinese also believed in floating islands that were in fact the backs of ginormous turtles, shape-shifting demons, and greedy dragons with hordes of treasure.

The Three Sovereigns were eventually succeeded by the Five Emperors. These Five Divinities: Qin-Shi-Huang-Di, Yao, Shun, Yu the Great, and Qi were descended from the Celestial Emperor and are said to be the ancestors of the Chinese dynasties that followed.

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————To Be Concluded in Part III

(Creation Tales still to come: Norse, Greek, and Native American!)

————–Erik Slader

CLICK for CREATION MYTHS – Part One!

Hope you enjoyed this edition of “Epik Fails!”, if you liked it let me know in the comments below! Also, be sure to ’Like’ EPiK FAILs on Facebook! (www.Facebook.com/EpikFails), and SHARE IT with your friends! (You can also subscribe to updates) If you have any questions, concerns, or suggestions say so below…

Click Here for a Complete List of Essays on Historical Failure!!

Sources:

“The Ultimate Encyclopedia of Mythology” by Arthur Cotterell and Rachel Storm

“The Humanistic Tradition” Vol. 1 (Third Edition) by: Gloria K. Fiero

“Chinese Mythology: Stories of Creation and Invention” by: Claude Helft

“The Timeline History of Ancient Egypt” by: Shereen Rathnagar

http://faculty.gvsu.edu/websterm/Enuma_Elish.html

http://www.criscenzo.com/jaguarsun/popolvuh.html

http://www.egyptartsite.com/crea.html

http://www.pantheon.org/articles/g/greek_creation_myths.html

http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/creationmyths/a/102609Cosmogonies.htm

http://www.pantheon.org/articles/g/greek_creation_myths.html

http://www.shmoop.com/norse-creation-myth/summary.html

http://www.desy.de/gna/interpedia/greek_myth/creation.html

http://www.crystalinks.com/nativeamcreation.html

Erik Slader
Erik Slader
Erik Slader is a blogger, barista, web tech, digital artist, gamer, comic book aficionado, and history buff. Creator of “Epik Fails of History” and writer for SuperheroBeach.com

9 Comments

  1. […] ————Click for CREATION MYTHS = PART TWO!! […]

  2. […] ———–Click Here for Part Two: Egyptian, Celtic, Chinese, and Aborigine […]

  3. […] Ancient Egypt is in the records books for being the longest-running civilization of the ancient world. Although it wasn’t the first civilization, but it was one of the greatest and most powerful. Over the course of its Three Millennial history, Ancient Egyptians paved the way for modern art, architecture, fashion, and even economics (oddly enough they traded honey as currency at one point). The Egyptians believed in multiple gods who took on bizarre and animalistic forms, and held even stranger notions of the afterlife. The Pharaoh was believed to be the human incarnation of their gods on Earth. (Click Here for more on Egyptian Mythology) […]

  4. Very informative article post.Really thank you! Will read on…

  5. […] first Emperor of a unified China. He deified himself as a God on Earth, the heir to the throne that The Five Sovereigns, and the Three Ancient Emperors of lore, had left behind just for him. ‘Qin Shi Huang Di’ literally means “First Emperor […]

  6. best pron says:

    Mi6jLS This blog inspired me to write my own blog.

  7. We don’t believe in several gods and goddesses, I am sure. However, I consider this part intriguing. It tells us a lot about creation myths.

  8. I think myths have some mystery and I like to read them! thanks for sharing!

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